LADY'S MAN:MISSING SCENES
by Patcat
Summary: See title.
1. Chapter 1

Spoilers for LADY'S MAN, of course, and it might be helpful to read my AMENDS: MISSING SCENES, but not necessary.

LADY'S MAN: MISSING SCENES

CHAPTER ONE

Eames was upset. Bobby hated it when Eames was upset, when her eyes narrowed and her mouth tightened and her back stiffened. He hated it when he had to calculate every word and gesture when he was near her. The only bright spot in their current situation was that for once he wasn't the cause of her worry and anger. He was, however, the nearest and safest target for that worry and anger, and he quietly accepted that role since it helped Eames, since it kept her from directing any of her feelings towards Ross, or Faith Yancey (although Bobby certainly woudn't have minded and thought he probably would greatly enjoy letting Eames go after that two faced publicity hound), or Kevin Mulrooney. Bobby didn't like Kevin Mulrooney. He didn't like any ADA who suddenly appeared at a crime scene and hovered over detectives as if they didn't know how to do their jobs. Bobby tried not to tell ADAs how to do their jobs, and he expected the same courtesy from them. Mulrooney's appearance made Bobby long for Ron Carver. The man could be officious and overbearing, but he usually let Alex and Bobby do their jobs. Bobby's dislike of Mulrooney grew as Alex's discomfort and her past with him became clearer. Alex became defensive and secretive, and Bobby wasn't used to dealing with a defensive and secretive Alex Eames.

"Payback," he thought as he stared at the crime scene photos. "Payback for all I've done to her. Well, she was patient and hung in there for me… I'll do the same for her."

He hated being banished from Ross' office so that the Captain could have a "talk" with Alex. He could run the entire discussion in his head before it took place. He knew Ross didn't think Alex should be on this case—Bobby wasn't sure Alex should be on this case, but because he didn't want her hurt, not because he didn't think she could do the job. He left Ross' office without protest, partly because he couldn't figure out just how or what to protest. He forced himself not to look at the Captain's office and watch the proceedings. He knew Ross would tell Alex she was too personally involved. Alex would counter she was too much of a professional to allow her feelings to harm her work. In the end, Alex would still be on the case. Bobby briefly wondered why Ross engaged in these fruitless conversations.

Alex eventually strode confidently, even defiantly, from Ross' office.

"Why," Bobby wondered. "Why is it so important for her to stay on this case? Why was it so important for her to stay on the case involving her husband's murder? No one would question why she left both cases…Or was taken off them…I'm the one with the masochistic streak…Why does she do this?" He realized that she was studying him.

"Uh…" He seized a sheet of paper. "We…We've got the phone records…" He held the paper out to her.

"Ok." Alex took the sheet. Her tone indicated she had no desire to discuss what had happened in Ross' office.

Things only got worse as the case went on, and Alex's involvement with Mulrooney became more evident. Bobby hated that he had to ask if she were sexually involved with Mulrooney, but the question had to be asked, and better he ask than Ross or another cop or lawyer. Bobby admitted to himself that one reason he hated asking the question was that he hated the thought of Alex—and in this context he couldn't help but think of her as Alex—being with a man like Mulrooney.

"She deserves better than that…Much better than that…" he thought. "But face it, Goren…You don't like the idea of her being with anyone…And you don't have any right to think anything like that."

He asked the question with as little emotion as he could. He was relieved her answer was no; he was less relieved when her answer seemed less than completely honest. He was grateful that Ross' interruption kept him from having to force the issue.

"The only things I can do," Bobby thought as the case continued. "Is to do my job and tell her the truth."

And that's what he did—even when he had to play Mulrooney; when he had to picture Mulrooney pawing through Alex's things; and when he realized the full and dangerous extent of Mulrooney's obsession with Alex. Bobby didn't know that he possessed so much self control. He found that if he thought of Alex as "Eames" and kept everything very professional and calm he could manage to do his work. This seemed to help Alex as well. Her reaction when he explained his fears and suspicions about Mulrooney revealed everything he admired and loved about her. That last thought terrified him. He loved her. He was afraid she loved him. They'd given in to what Bobby thought and hoped were their shared feelings only once, and then only after the consumption of much alcohol on the night they'd placed the man who'd murdered her husband in jail. Even though he'd rarely been as drunk as he was that night, Bobby remembered—or thought he remembered—every detail of his encounter with Alex. He remembered her soft skin, her warm breath, the smells of rum and lilac, the small freckles just above her breasts, the beauty of her expression when she came, and the way she clung to him as they lay in bed after making love. Those memories held him together after everything that followed. They returned him to sanity after his time in Tate, and they gave him hope throughout his suspension. They spurred him to return to Major Case and reminded him of the repercussions of keeping anything from Alex.

Bobby had no idea if Alex felt anything close to the same about him. He didn't know if she remembered their encounter with the same intensity, or if she wanted to remember it. For all he knew, she might regard the event as a horrible loss of control and a need for comfort and consolation and desperately want to forget it. He couldn't imagine that anything about his aging, out of shape body inspired any tender feelings on her part. After that morning when they woke with pounding heads, queasy stomachs, and slashed and bruised bodies, they'd shared coffee and painkillers and awkward words and looks. He'd escorted her home and shyly picked at the lunch she'd insisted on fixing. As he started to leave her house that day, Alex hesitantly told him the previous night had been wonderful, but perhaps they should slow things down a bit. And then Bobby's life splintered and shattered, and he never had the chance to learn if her words were anything more than a kindness. After everything he'd done to her, Bobby felt he had no right to press the issue, or any issue, with her. He did what he could. He worked and laid all of their successes at her feet, accepted all failures as his own, and hoped that someday she might forgive him.

After Bobby revealed his fears about Mulrooney to Alex, they went to Ross. The Captain grimaced when they revealed their chief suspect was the ADA.

"Are you sure about this?" Ross asked. "The ADA office will claim…"

Bobby stepped forward. "This isn't a case of revenge, Captain. Mulrooney is the guy. He's the one seeking revenge."

"All right," Ross said after a moment. "I can't argue with your logic. I'll get you the warrants and run interference with the ADA's office."

"Thank you, Sir," Alex said softly.

Bobby knew that Alex would come with him to confront Mulrooney in spite of his warning that it would be a painful encounter. He was proud of how she acted. She was remarkably strong, but she was always remarkable in circumstances like this. But as they moved to the SUV to return to Major Case, Alex turned to him and held out the keys.

"Could you drive?" she asked in a tight voice. "I…I…"

"Of course," he said.

The drive was very silent, but Bobby chanced quick and careful looks at Alex. He finally ventured to ask her if she was all right.

"I'm ok," she said quickly. Several moments of more silence followed. "It's just," she said. "It's going to be hard to face everyone and everything."

"You didn't do anything wrong," Bobby said, trying to concentrate on the road. "He planted that letter…He wanted you to lie on the stand…It's…All of this…Alex…You did the right thing. You didn't blow the case. He did."

Alex stared out the window. "I…I know…Part of me feels vindicated. But…Everyone is going to know that…that I trusted him. And a lot of people are going to think that I…I had sex with him."

Bobby tightly gripped the wheel. "You…You're embarrassed that you would've…"

"I know how to pick 'em, don't I?" Alex said bitterly. "I turn for comfort to a…a…What is wrong with him?"

"Several things," Bobby said. "At least from what I can tell from my reading. And…he could be laying the ground work for an insanity defense…I don't think he really has multiple personalities…It's very rare…But he's obviously got some problems…And I think he's going to be spending a lot of time with psychiatrists in his future."

"This isn't going to be one of those nice, quiet cases where the perp pleads out and everything is tied up and put away, is it?" Alex asked wearily.

"I…I don't know. Mulrooney might want to draw it out…To…To…"

"To hurt me…"

"Yea…" Bobby admitted. "But he may know enough to know that if he tries to hurt you, he'll wind up really hurting himself. Everyone will know he's the one who screwed up the case. Who was so obsessed with you that he resorted to murder. His cross-dressing will come out. Whatever happened during those years he was off radar will come out. That's what I'm going to stress to Mulrooney and his lawyer and whatever poor ADA gets this case."

They'd reached One Police Plaza. Alex sighed. "Buy me a margarita when we get through with the paperwork?" she asked plaintively.

Bobby parked the SUV. "What…What," he asked cautiously. "About the bourbon?"

"That…I only drank that…Joe drank it…I only drank it right after…" She shrugged, climbed out of the SUV and walked towards the elevator.

Bobby caught up with her. The elevator was crowded, and they said nothing to each other as it rose. When they reached the eleventh floor, Bobby tried to maneuver his body so that he could shield Alex from the curious and, if not hostile at least unfriendly, stares of the squad room, but Alex walked boldly and calmly to her desk. Even as his heart broke for her, Bobby was proud of her.

Mulrooney was sullen and quiet during the processing. Bobby felt sorry for both the representative from the ADA's office and the young defense attorney who arrived to handle the case, and glad that Ross largely dealt with them. Alex and Bobby worked on paperwork for roughly an hour when Ross appeared at their desks.

"Get out of here," he told them. "The ADA's office is dragging its heels. Mulrooney will go before a judge tomorrow. Nothing will happen until then, and maybe not then. He's going to need a public defender, and it seems none of them is anxious to take this case."

Alex's pen hovered over a form. "He needs a public defender?"

Ross nodded. "ADA's don't get paid that much. And it seems much of Mulrooney's funds have been going to fund…his pursuits." Ross turned to Bobby. "You did a good job of tracing his financial records, Detective."

"It wasn't that hard," Bobby replied, uncertain of how to respond to Ross' rare praise. "He really didn't try that hard to hide his tracks."

Alex concentrated on the form in front of her.

"Like I said," Ross continued. "Go home…Or someplace…Tomorrow and the next days will be tough…"

Bobby began shutting down his computer and gathering his things as Ross returned to his office. "C'mon," he said softly. "I can get you that margarita."

END CHAPTER ONE


	2. Chapter 2

This was intended to be a nice, short little thing. Although apparently I can't write nice, short little things.

CHAPTER TWO

Alex considered Bobby's offer. Her hair fell across her face, and she looked young and vulnerable. "Ok," she said and turned off her computer.

Bobby grabbed their coats and again tried to shield Alex from prying eyes. She seemed to welcome his protection as they walked from Major Case to the elevator, rode to the lobby, and left the building. As he waved for a cab, Bobby wondered where he should take Alex.

"Please," she said as if responding to his thoughts. "No place near here. Or near my house…I don't want to run into anyone…"

"Ok," Bobby said. A cab stopped, and he opened the door for Alex. He slipped into the back seat next to her and without thinking gave an address to the cabbie. There was a heavy silence for several moments.

"I wonder how he got into my house," Alex finally said. "There wasn't any sign of a break in…"

"Unfortunately," Bobby said. "He could use his job in several ways to get in…If he was dressed as Gabby…But I bet he'll want to tell us how he did…Show us how smart he is…"

"I just moved," Alex lamented. "I can't move every time…" She sighed and leaned her head back against the seat. "I hadn't had time to put a security system in."

"I'll help you with that," Bobby said. At that moment he would've happily promised to permanently guard Alex's home for the rest of his life, or at least as long as his body allowed. "I've got an old Army buddy who runs a security firm…And there's the company Deakins works for…We'll get you the best…"

"Well…as long as I can still get in," Alex said.

Bobby glanced at her, and Alex smiled at him. It was a sad and weary smile, but it was a smile, and it was for him. The cab stopped, and Bobby paid the fare before following Alex out of it. She stood staring at the bar in front of her.

"Uh…I don't know if you remember it," he said, mentally kicking himself. "If you want to go somewhere else…"

"No," Alex said after a moment. "This place will be fine."

They found a quiet booth near the back of the bar. Alex mentioned that she was a little hungry, and the waitress suggested the chicken nachos.

"The chicken makes them healthy, right?" Alex said.

They sipped their drinks and nibbled the food in silence for several minutes.

"I remembered this was a nice place," Alex said.

Bobby stared blankly into his drink. "Oh, Eames," he finally said. "I…I forgot…I mean…I haven't forgotten that night…I'd never…I never could…Forget that night…It was one of the best…The most wonderful…I…But I forgot we…I…" He rubbed the back of his neck.

"Even after everything I did to you? All…All that blood on your sheets? You never did tell me how much I owed you for cleaning or replacing them," Alex said quietly.

Bobby continued to stare in his drink. "I…I don't want you to think…To think that I…Now of all times…That I…That I have any intention…"

"Bobby." Alex gently placed her hand on Bobby's arm. Its warmth spread and flowed through him. "It's ok. I know you didn't mean anything by coming here."

Bobby looked up into her eyes, which were warmer than his Scotch or the touch of her hand on his arm.

"We…We've never talked about that night," he ventured.

"Things got so crazy…"

Bobby nodded. "And I…I never thought I had the right to bring it up…"

"I didn't think I did either," Alex said. "I felt as if I'd used you…"

"Used me? After everything I've done to you, you can use me any way you want," Bobby said. "And…And it's not like I didn't get anything out of it."

"Maybe we could call everything even now." Alex ran her finger around the rim of her glass. "You…You were so good to me during this case, Bobby. Did…Did Ross talk to you about taking me off…"

"No," Bobby said. "I think he knew what my answer would be. And he knows I don't work well without you." He sipped his drink. "I don't think Mulrooney expected that…"

"What…"

"Well…First, that you'd be assigned to the case. And then that you'd stay on the case. And, most of all, that you'd be so strong…And professional…"

"And that my partner would back me up and stay strong." Alex's words shone like diamonds in Bobby's ears. "I bet you really wanted to bust his chops."

"He wasn't one of my favorites even before I knew what he was. I hated the way…the way he treated you…and looked at you."

They finished the nachos. Their drinks continued to arrive, but at a slow pace. Bobby hadn't felt so warm and comfortable with Alex in a very long time; she seemed calm and at peace as well. It wasn't that the traumas of the past years were forgotten, but as if Alex and he had accepted them, dealt with them, and were ready to go on.

"I wish we would've found some sign of the wife's body," Alex said. "Not necessarily to prove Boz guilty, but to give her family something."

Bobby nodded. "I…I looked at the case. It's really hard to get a conviction without a body, but that one…A good prosecutor would have gotten it. He would've helped that witness and mitigated the damage of her mistakes. Planting that letter…In the jury's eyes it threw the entire prosecution's case into doubt. That lie destroyed a lot." Bobby took a drink. "That must have been awful for you…Especially on your first case back after…"

"Yea," Alex admitted. "I was surprised Deakins still wanted me for Major Case after that. I knew he'd had to fight for me because I was young and a woman and what happened with my Dad. But Deakins listened to my story and believed me."

"Must've put you in the spotlight," Bobby said sympathetically. "And not in a good way."

"Yea. But I think it helped when Deakins partnered me with you."

"Yea…I probably hurt you even more…"

Alex's hand shot out and seized Bobby's arm. "Don't," she said severely. "We talked about this when you came back. You made me a better cop…A better person…If I'd met you a few months earlier, Mulrooney would never have been in the equation. I'd have talked to you."

Confused and embarrassed, Bobby stared at their hands. "I…I don't know about that. I'm not sure about how good of a shoulder I could…or can…give you…"

"A great one, Bobby," Alex declared. She slowly released his arm and leaned back in the booth. "I bet in high school you were the guy all the girls went to talk to about all the boys who hurt them."

Bobby thought of all the times he had comforted some girl. Frank told him he should use this situations to score with a girl, but the most Bobby ever did was to linger for a few moments in a comforting hug.

"I…I was so pathetic," he said. "Even the gay kids came to me…" He tried to smile, but Alex saw the pain in his eyes.

Alex leaned forward. Her hand hovered a few inches from Bobby's face. "That doesn't surprise me. That sounds like the Bobby Goren I know."

Bobby blinked and slowly moved back. "Uh…Eames…What's happening here?"

"I'm not sure, Bobby. But whatever it is, I think you don't have to call me "Eames"."

The waitress appeared. Bobby started to think it might be a good idea to stop their alcohol consumption, but Alex ordered another drink for each of them before he could protest.

"I really don't like bourbon," Alex said. "Never liked the taste. My Dad always drank Irish whiskey, so that's like mother's milk to me. But Joe…Joe drank bourbon…Good stuff…" She turned her glass in her hands. "There was this good bourbon left in the house…Gifts from people from when Joe was alive…I wasn't going to let good liquor go to waste. I didn't want to give it away. It was hard enough giving away his other stuff. I started drinking it. Probably too much although there's still several bottles around. I even took it with me when I moved."

The waitress appeared with their drinks. Bobby sipped his; Alex took a long drink of hers.

"I'm probably drinking too much right now," she said. "But at least I'm doing it with a man I know I can trust."

"Thank you," Bobby said. "Thank you for trusting me."

"I think," Alex continued. "I think that's why I'm so angry. I trusted him. I told him things about Joe and me. Nothing really intimate. I think I blubbered a lot and repeated a lot of stuff. But I thought he was listening to me because he cared and was a good guy…And…And he was just using me…As a cop and a person."

"I…I don't know if it'll help," Bobby said. "But…I don't think he intended to use you at first. It's just the case…When he thought it was going bad…He did the wrong thing and blamed you for his mistakes."

Alex took another long drink. "Boy…They sure find me, don't they? Weak ones…They can't do the right thing when push comes to shove."

Bobby couldn't find any words of comfort for her. He couldn't remember how many times he'd watched her go out with a man he thought totally wrong for her, or how many times she'd appeared at her desk in the morning with the sad eyes and tight frown that indicated the previous night's date had been a disappointment, or, worst of all, how many times she'd come in the office or arrived at a crime scene with the red eyes and hunched shoulders showing the signs of a break-up. Bobby knew he wasn't good enough for her, but he knew he'd treat her better than these men.

"Like Peter," Alex said. "The sign language translator…Didn't know if he was a cop or not…Wouldn't stand up for himself…"

"He…He was in a tough spot," Bobby said feebly.

"Bobby…You couldn't stand the guy…"

"I…I was frustrated…by the case…"

"What about?" Alex asked carefully. "Was it really the case? Or that he was interested in me?"

Bobby wished he could drill a hole in the floor and disappear into it. "I…I didn't mean…I…I'm sorry…"

"You did a pretty good job of hiding it," Alex said. "You always do. This case. I knew you didn't like Kevin the minute he showed up. And then…When everything came out…And you had to ask that question…I'm sorry I snapped at you. You were just doing your job. And you asked as gently as you could."

Bobby's head spun. "I…I gotta change to something without alcohol," he mumbled. He rested his head in his hands. "This…This is wrong…I…I'm supposed to be helping you…Listening to you."

"I wished it'd been you," Alex said, as much to herself as to Bobby. "You wouldn't have let me drink so much bourbon."

Bobby risked raising his head and looking at Alex. She huddled back against her side of the booth. Her silky blonde hair fell across her face, and she again looked terribly young and vulnerable. Bobby wanted to wrap his arms around her. He wanted to tell her how brave and strong she was, and how much he admired and cared for her.

"I wish it'd been me, too," he heard himself saying. "I would've treated you better. I would've listened. I would've…" He choked. "But…when you needed me…I…I didn't…I'm no better…"

"No!" Alex said fiercely. Several of the bar's other patrons turned to look at Bobby and Alex. "No," she said softly but with equal fervor. "You're nothing like any of them." She leaned forward."Oh, God, Bobby…I…I need some air…And coffee…I…Please…Bobby…Get me out of here…"

Bobby yanked out his wallet, pulled several bills from it, and threw them on the table. "C'mon," he said. "Let's get out of here."

END CHAPTER TWO


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER THREE

The bar was hot and noisy as Bobby guided Alex to its front door. Alex, flushed and wavering on her feet, clung to his arm. Bobby pushed the door open, and briefly reveled in the sharp, cold air. Alex staggered, and Bobby helped her up the stairs to street level.

"Hey," he said. "You need to button up your coat…" He reached for her coat.

"So…So do you," she replied, slurring the words slightly. She leaned forward to zip up his coat and stumbled into Bobby's arms. He was warm and strong and smelled of scotch and Bobby.

"You…You caught me," she mumbled into his coat. "Kevin never tried to catch me. None of the others ever tried to catch me. Even Joe didn't catch me sometimes."

Bobby held her closely. He wondered why she didn't say anything about his pounding heart that he knew she had to hear though his heavy coat.

"Hey," he said softly, letting his chin rest on top of her head. "This probably isn't the best place for us to be propping each other up."

Alex unsteadily regained her feet. "Uh…Yea…Yea…Bobby…Bobby…I…I want to go to your place."

Bobby looked down at her. "Are…Are you sure? I can ride with you to your house…"

Alex leaned forward again, and Bobby again caught her. "We probably couldn't find a cab that would go that far. And it would take you at least a couple of hours to get there and back. Most of all, I don't want to go there right now."

"I can understand that."

She moved beside him and put her arm through his. In spite of the cold and his heavy coat, Bobby felt her warmth spread through him. He looked down at her. Her cheeks were red with the cold and the rum, but her eyes were remarkably clear.

"She may be more sober than I am," Bobby thought.

"Maybe," Bobby said. "We should get some coffee. Walk a little to clear our heads…"

"Do you have coffee at your place?"

"Uh…Yea…"

"Are you keeping some horrible monster?"

"Uh…No…Not unless you count me…"

Alex smiled. "I don't…And I'm sure your place is clean."

They began walking towards Bobby's home. Their strides matched, and Alex's arm still wove through Bobby's.

"Eames…" Bobby said when they reached his door. "I…I don't know what's going on here…I…I don't know what you want…"

She placed her hands on his chest. "What do you want, Bobby?"

The question sent his head spinning. "This…This isn't right," he stammered. "I…I'm supposed to be taking care of you…Helping you…"

"You have…and are…helping me," Alex answered. She took a deep breath. "If I'd known you then…You would've helped me…You would've helped me if I would've talked to you about Joe…But after Kevin…and others…I was afraid to talk to you…"

Bobby turned away from her and fumbled for his key. "I…I don't know…When you needed me most…I wasn't there…"

Alex didn't know if she wanted to slug him or hug him. "Bobby…We've been over this…You gave me the tools to survive…To save myself…"

"She took you because of me…"

Alex seized the key from Bobby's hand, shoved it in the bolt, turned it, opened the door, and dropped the key back into his hand. She did this so quickly Bobby didn't have time to react. He stood just inside the door and stared at the key. Alex shed her coat and hung it on a peg just to the side of the door.

"Here," she said. "Give me your coat."

Bobby slipped out of his coat. In his confused state, it seemed simpler to do as she asked. He handed it to her and walked into the kitchen.

"Coffee," he thought. "Just fix the coffee…"

He opened the fridge, removed the coffee beans and sniffed the milk. He shut the door and started when Alex appeared behind it.

"Sorry," she said. "I always have to check my milk too…Unless Nate's been around. He drinks enough that I always have to get more and it's fresh."

Bobby held the coffee and milk in front of him like shields. He'd never been fond of his kitchen's layout, but at the moment he hated it for not providing him with an escape route.

"Can I help?" Alex asked.

"Uh…yea…You could get the pot ready while I grind it…"

They were busy with preparing the coffee for the next few minutes. The pot started to bubble just as Alex leaned against Bobby's back.

"I trust you," she whispered. "I know I can trust you…What happened in the past…It's past…All through this case…You believed me…You tried to protect me…"

Bobby's head resumed spinning. His heart pounded, and he breathed slowly and deeply, hoping that the rich smell of the coffee would clear his head. "Eames…"

Alex leaned her head against the middle of Bobby's back. "Bobby…This is one time when calling me Eames isn't going to cut it…"

"Oh…God…" Bobby muttered. "Alex…Alex…Don't…Don't do this…If you don't care about me…Don't…I can't…Please…I can't…"

"Of course I care for you," Alex murmured. "I love you."

Bobby spun to face her. He held her at arms' length. He searched her face for any sign that alcohol or grief fueled her words, but he saw only love and care, and it shook him to his soul.

"Oh, Alex." He pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around her. "I…I love you too." It was all too much—to hear what he'd dreamed of hearing for so long, to say what he'd long to say to her for so long, to hold her again—it was all too much. He wavered on his feet.

Alex sensed he was about to collapse. "Here…You should sit down…"

She got him to a kitchen chair. "Bobby…Bobby…Breathe…Breathe…It's all right…Just breathe…"

He leaned forward and tried to do as she asked. His head slowly cleared as he held it in his hands. He realized Alex knelt in front of him and that she held his hands. He raised his head and managed to look in her eyes.

"I'm sorry," he said. "It…It was all too much…Just…Oh…Alex…" He wrapped his arms around her, and they held each other for several minutes.

"I think the coffee's ready," Alex said.

"Yea…And kneeling on that floor can't be too good for your knees…" He helped her stand.

"My aging knees," she said.

"I'd say anyone's knees at any age." Bobby wrapped his arms around her again.

"Are you ok?" she whispered.

"I…I don't know. I…I'm feeling so much…And some of it is fighting with the rest of it…"

She touched his cheek. "I know those feelings. C'mon…Maybe some coffee will help."

The pouring of the coffee, the addition of the milk and sugar, and their first few drinks gave them both time to regroup.

"Alex," Bobby finally said. "I…I don't want you to think…That this was some plan to get you here and…"

"If this was a plan," Alex smiled. "It has to be one of the most poorly constructed ones I've ever seen."

Bobby smiled. "Yea."

Alex stretched and reached for her cup. "I don't suppose it occurred to you that I might have had a plan…I have some very good memories of that night. Foggy, but good."

"That night…The memories…Got me through a lot," Bobby said.

"Me too." Alex wrapped her hands around Bobby's.

Bobby stared at their hands. "Alex…Alex…Are you sure about this? I…I know…What I want…But you…"

"Yea, I'm sure. And it isn't bourbon or rum or grief talking. This is me. I'm sure."

In the comfortable silence that followed, Bobby realized he now had something he'd wanted all his life. He loved someone who loved him.

"I'd given up," he thought out loud.

"Given up? But you've come back," Alex said.

"I…I'd given up ever finding anyone…or hoping…that I'd love someone who loved me. And now…I have that…I guess…I thought it'd be more dramatic…It's wonderful…But I don't know what I'm feeling…It…It's too deep for happiness…Joy, maybe…Whatever it is…I've never felt anything like it…And…And I'm scared…"

"Sounds like love to me," Alex said. "Bobby…You don't know what it means to me…That you trust me enough to talk to me like this…"

She stood and walked to him. She held him and pulled his head to her breasts.

"I don't know about tomorrow," Alex said huskily. "But right now…" She lifted Bobby's face and kissed him deeply; she pulled away reluctantly. "Wow," she said. "That was much better than the memory…And the memory was pretty good."

Bobby stared up at her. "Yea…That…That was much better than my memory too. Certainly less painful." He stood and hugged her.

It was Alex's turn to be overwhelmed. There was so much of Bobby. It wasn't just his considerable physical size, but his entire presence. When he leaned over to kiss her, Alex couldn't breathe. She couldn't think, and for several moments she was lost to everything but the sensations of Bobby's kiss. When he reluctantly pulled away from her and looked down at her, she swam in the warm depths of his eyes.

"Golly," she gasped.

Bobby blinked at her and laughed. "Golly?"

Alex joined in his laughter. "Well…It was honest. You're a great kisser."

"Thank you." He bowed.

"Maybe you could show me what else you're good at…"

Bobby hesitated. "Alex…You're sure…This is a tough time for you…"

"You…You don't want me…"

"Oh, yes…Yes!" he said quickly. "I want you very much…But this time…We're sober…More or less…This means a lot…A lot…I don't want to hurt you…"

Alex stood on her toes and kissed him on the cheek. "All the guys who've taken advantage of me…Who wanted to take advantage of me…And now…" She smiled. "I'm sure."

He took her hand and led her to his bedroom.

"Wow…"

Her soft cry penetrated the blissful fog around him. For a moment, he was afraid he'd hurt her until he recognized what she said. He realized his body was draped over her. "I'm crushing her," he thought, and tried to raise his body. His arms were weak and unsteady, and Alex held him tightly.

"It's all right," she murmured. "It…You…were…are wonderful, Bobby. So wonderful…I thought…The memory was great..But this…Wow…" Her fingers wove in and out of his hair as she spoke. No music had ever sounded as wonderful in his ears as her voice.

"This…It…My memories…Don't even compare…" Bobby's mouth created soft, warm ripples on Alex's skin. "I think…if it's ok with you…We should do it this way…Without the pain and drama…More often. Not wait so long to make more memories."

"Yea…" Alex said. "I like those ideas. Especially since I'm with a man I can trust."

END


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